When the brain doesn't give you answers ...

And I feel now that I lived this before.. that's exactly what kills me.
But I guess it always happens when it comes down to love, right?

This time I believe I found the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with:

This person is incredible smart, critical, analytical, fast ...
This person is simply gorgeous, he melts me when he speaks and I die every time he smiles ...
This person is strange and a little bit tough on me, but he does love me as I love him ...
This person is what I was needing, I need now and I will need in the future ...

But ...

Nothing is enough for a girl who has spent the last years of her life stuck to illusions, people far far away and intangible future. Good things look almost impossible to happen and there should usually be something wrong ... (just too good to be true, as the song says).
This predisposition disables any heart to feel freely and enjoy the moments! Hmmm, I guess this is what is happening.
Uncertainty has been my worst enemy during the last couple of years and when it is not around, I can easily create some drama around it.

Every time I try to reflect about my situation, I don't find answers. WHY? Because I don't find a concrete reason why this is happening...

BUT THEN ...
How can I repair collateral damages caused by the heart, from a rational perspective?

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah !!!




What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five :)

Does she arrive to the Netherlands?

Wow! There are almost three months and I hadn't appeared before!

Sorry, but this arrival took me more than expected.

I was reading my last post in order to get the sequence again and I found tons of words, expressing how confused I was before coming here. Now I think about it and I consider that it is quite normal. I was scared, excited, worried, and happy and the fact of being broken hearted didn't help.

I arrived to NL at the beginning of June and I found in the airport of Brussels, 6 amazing and tall individuals waiting for me. They were they people I'm currently working: my MC team. Afterwards, we were the next two days in team days; getting to know each other and trying to build our team.
On Monday, I went to my first day of transition and I met the former MC! They were also great people from whom I learned quite a lot.



Next weeks passed really quickly, among take over sessions, AI transition party, first AB meeting and first days at the office. I was kind of lost in Rotterdam, always taking the wrong train, metro or tram. Besides, my bike was stolen, so I had to walk to everywhere for some days :(.

Some days after was time for getting prepared for IC; so, I started all exchange related initiatives for IC and other fun stuff, such as buying stroopwafels, dropjes and a lot of alcohol for the Dutch windmill game. Also, I got a very nice and typical Dutch outfit (please check the picture). Malaysia truly Asia was awesome!!! I like it a lot, mostly the FOOD! Indian, chinese and malayan food in 1 country, I just love it. We travelled around for 3 days before the conference, trying to relax a little bit after a lot of weeks of take over and hard work. at the end, we were even more tired but vey excited for the conference.



IC was wonderful! I met with old friends around the world what made me feel old in @!~but still, I enjoyed it a lot. Fortunately and as we say in Colombia (culo de leche), I shared my room with Luisa and Lore!!!! I was so so happy :) we spent such a great time, talking about our experiences in KZ, Belgium and NL, about boys, about us! Somos exitosas, estamos donde queremos y hacemos lo que queremos

Now I'm back in the Netherlands, working a lot and enjoying every moment. I promise I'll be back, writing some other stories!!!!

Y cuando creiste haberlo visto todo ya ...

Nos gastamos mas de la mitad de la vida buscando a alguien que se parezca tanto a nosotros, para que nos lo llevemos a la casa y podamos emprender una especie de aventura sentimental. Pero siempre decimos que tiene que ser igual a mi, como si nosotros fueramos la gran cosa!

De repente a uno le pasa que despues de un rato de tratar de conseguir a gente asi, uno descubre que despues de un tiempo ella sale del cuarto, saca la cebeza y dice noche, y uno le contesta dia: porque si nada mas! Uno le dice blanco, ella dice negro; a uno le gusta el futbol, a ella le gusta el beisbol,
Y entonces uno comienza a cometer errores: uno trata de largarse del lugar , voltea a ver y se supone que tendria que estar, pero se largo antes que nosotros.
Uno va y busca por la vida un nuevo camino y se busca a una mujer que se parezca mucho a nosotros, una que le guste el futbol tambien. Y se consigue a una chica que le guste el furbol y ella se consigue a un tipo que le guste el beisbol y cada uno emprende su nuevo camino.
A mi me paso y era impresionante cuando empece a salir con esta chica porque yo decia, hoy tengo ganas de no se, como de ir al cine y ella me decia es justo lo que estaba pensando, yo tambien quiero ir al cine. Ibamos a un bar y yo pedia un tequila y ella decia, yo tambien quiero un tequila, me encanta el tequila.
entonces se convirtio todo en algo tan martavilloso, y tal organizado y tan perfecto, que me bastaron tan solo 14 dias para aburrirme totalmente de aquella mujer. Mientras por el otro lado, la que se fue con el beisbolista estaba padeciendo la misma historia, solo que ella aguanto un poquito mas que yo: aguanto quince dias.
Al dia numero 16, nos hablamos por telefono, nos citamos en un cafe, charlamos por un rato, y llegamos a la maravillosa conclusion que para ser amigos es importantisimo ser bastante parecidos y afines, pero para ser amantes y amarse, no hay nada mejor en el mundo que ser distintos... por eso escribi esta cancion ...

Ricardo Arjona
QUIEN DIRIA!

Assesing my Strengths

I just found an assesment tool created by The International Leadership Strengths Research Project of Mr David Pollay from the University of Pennsylvania. The project aims "to encourage leaders to fully develop their strengths in support of their goals".

According to the assesment, these are my strengths:

Your Top Strength

Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.

Your Second Strength

Industry, diligence, and perseverance You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Your Third Strength

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Your Fourth Strength

Bravery and valor You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

Your Fifth Strength

Gratitude You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks. (5 of 24) Just try it ! It´s very interesting :) http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/AIESEC/profile.aspx

Balancing the whole damn thing

Today is the 11th of June

The time to go is getting closer, but it´s going so slow that I´m able to think in the meanwhile what should I do before going and after arriving. So, it´s easy for you to imagine how many thoughts are coming and going out of my mind these last days. Sometimes, I build a whole new world and suddenly it just fades out, because better things can happen or I figure out that it´s going to happen differently ( jajajaja, this is a very funny exercise. But do not try it too much, because it can put your mental stability in risk)!

Ok, the main purpose of this strange introduction is contextualizing about my current situation. At this moment, I feel the necessity to post something, because my life has been in a kind of rollercoaster last weeks.

Closing the 1st MC Chapter

The 29th of May I ended my term as Mc VP OGX of AIESEC in Colombia. This Friday I experienced a bittersweet feeling, because I´m very satisfied with my work during this term and with the work of the team in general, so it makes me feel very happy. But, this day I was alone (only with Cami) at the office and it was exactly when I felt that the experience was over. Everybody is starting their new lives and MC ALL STARS is now another wonderful and legendary MC team.
The term was full of great moments with my new best friends around the world, despite some bad situations and people who really made the time in the office harder. Even though, It hasn´t been the same without them :S . Learning was in the air and in every part of our home and office, so I´m very thankful to every single person who was part of this lifetime.


Lore, Luisi, Rosa, Pixaela, Mory and Cami … you made my days happier and you guys were my shelter when I was (vuelta shit). I love you so much !


Transition from being MC VP OGX of Colombia to MC VP OGX of AIESEC in the Netherlands

Wow … I must confess that being MC VP X of AIESEC in Colombia was my dream since I joined AIESEC. I always tried to specialize on X management and get excellent results in order to be able to lead X in my country. And I finally did it. Now, I can´t believe that it all passed by and now, I´m preparing to be the same but in the Netherlands. I met wonderful individuals who made all efforts worth enough … my VPs . I was VP before but I only understood the real meaning of being VP when I was MC. These are the people that you as MC count on, the ones who make your dreams come true and are the proof of impact and development. Some people, besides of being my VPs, became my friends and now I can say that this is the best I obtained from my MC experience. AIESEC in the Netherlands is a big challenge that I´m about to face in some weeks. I do not know what to expect because there are so many things that this country represents to me right now … I will tell you some months later about it!

Thank you AIESEC in Colombia (180 OGXs)

Leaving on a jet plane, don´t know if I´ll be back again!

Well.. it is strange to leave your city .. I already did it when I moved to Bogota one year ago. But somehow, I know that I was close (Ok, only 18 hours by bus, 1 hour by plane) But now, it´s different! I will be all by myself in a new country, without Guest Family or something like that; just a couple of nice people who for sure will become my family soon. But still, I will miss my family! Mom, Dad, Orne, Ori, Javi, Abuelos Don´t know if I will come back again (I mean, for long time). I hope not. This is the time I have to travel and discover my passions. I´ll keep you updated about that too. I just hope to find soon a place which I call home; it´s very important to me! (Dutch atmosphere sound good)




And your personal life? … Should I answer to that question?

Hm … I know, I know … always talking about bad experiences, bla bla bla … and how sad I feel about my love situation. Well, it stopped some weeks ago, when I realized how fortunate I am for being rounded by amazing people who give me love in all sizes, flavors and colors. And this is how I see love now … full of colors and possibilities. Resuming my love life, I would say that I need to live definitively more intense experiences to have real arguments to curse love. So far, I haven´t so I promise not to curse again.  jajajaja [I only hate and curse about someone … but as I told him I don´t hate him, I guess it doesn´t count. But deep inside I do feel some kind of resentment. You know … it´s like when you have the opportunity to tell someone that he hurt you for real. But the person does not realize that … but how? If you do not tell him the truth! Something like that is the situation. I promise I will say this, I´m just waiting for the right moment] OK besides this last big bracket, I can tell you that right now I enjoy the time with my friends in Bogota! Curiosity is killing me from time to time, but it is under control. (jajajaja)


Let´s see what these new days will bring … I´ll keep you updated! Kisses & Hugs

Reflection

Fantasy is simple
Pleasure is good and twice as much pleasure is better
Pain is bad and no pain is better

But reality is different
The reality is that pain is there to tell us something
And there is only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomachache

And maybe that's okay
Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams

:)